SW6 — It’s been a really great World Cup.  I am watching it with some South Africans.  They were the ones saying it might be a train-crash of a tournament.  And now they’re proud.

And they’re suddenly feeling quite Dutch too.

Here are 5 things I have learned that also translate into the workplace:

1. The [...]]]>

SW6 — It’s been a really great World Cup.  I am watching it with some South Africans.  They were the ones saying it might be a train-crash of a tournament.  And now they’re proud.

And they’re suddenly feeling quite Dutch too.

Here are 5 things I have learned that also translate into the workplace:

1. The noisiest manager aren’t necessarily the best. (Stand up England, Argentina, France…)

2. Pretending to be sick, creating dramatics and appealing to higher authorities regularly doesn’t advance you career.

3. Sometimes things are unfair.  Suck it up and carry on.

4. Sometimes you can prepare for years, practice like crazy, travel a great distance… and get stretchered off after 5 minutes.

5. Even when you get a result, you will be penalised if you take off your shirt and run around screaming.

/df

BELGRAVIA — It’s sometimes worth pushing your chair back and having a moment to think.

What do you make of this picture (above)? 

It’s from this week’s media and is a photo of the Argentina football team coming home.

I love it for all that is obvious about it.  And also all that is incredibly weird about it.  [...]]]>

BELGRAVIA — It’s sometimes worth pushing your chair back and having a moment to think.

What do you make of this picture (above)? 

It’s from this week’s media and is a photo of the Argentina football team coming home.

I love it for all that is obvious about it.  And also all that is incredibly weird about it.  If you left this planet even 10 years ago you would have no idea what all the little blue lights are.

But to us, it seems quite normal.

Why is that?

Could it be that the future has arrived?

Monday there was a great hoax for anoraks like us.  It was said (and shown) that Monday was the day that Doc programmed into the clock in the car for in Back to the Future.

It’s a shame it’s not true.  Like most good hoaxes it seems credible. 

Maybe the future is here when have more toys than we know what to do with.  And we’ve stopped waiting for the rocket cars.

/df

PICCADILLY CIRCUS — There’s a nicely dressed lady sitting in front of me on the bus – hair done, Dolce glasses.  And she keeps falling asleep.  It’s 7:50 am.  And she’s on her way to work like the rest of us.

I am nervous for her neck, which keeps snapping.  We don’t have the natural dexterity [...]]]>

PICCADILLY CIRCUS — There’s a nicely dressed lady sitting in front of me on the bus – hair done, Dolce glasses.  And she keeps falling asleep.  It’s 7:50 am.  And she’s on her way to work like the rest of us.

I am nervous for her neck, which keeps snapping.  We don’t have the natural dexterity of a Pez dispenser.

I have the bad luck of often getting mini-cab drivers who fall asleep while driving.  I once shared a car across France with a business friend, and his driver fell asleep at the wheel on the autoroute. (We were stopped in traffic.)

But what is it about this modern world that causes people to constantly be exhausted.  Even my 7-year-old wakes up looking like he’s spent a night on the tiles.

There’s got to be a better way to live.

/df

PARSONS GREEN — There’s a lady in a business suit sitting reading The Guardian.  The Media Guardian is tossed on the bench beside her.  Untouched.

It’s maybe symptomatic of a larger issue. And then again maybe I am just getting old. [Cue rant.] Why do the media need sections dedicated to… the media? 

I find myself hanging [...]]]>

PARSONS GREEN — There’s a lady in a business suit sitting reading The Guardian.  The Media Guardian is tossed on the bench beside her.  Untouched.

It’s maybe symptomatic of a larger issue. And then again maybe I am just getting old. [Cue rant.] Why do the media need sections dedicated to… the media? 

I find myself hanging around late in cinemas just to stare in awe at the screen. Why do we need to have “credits” for the caterers assistant?

Why do the arts and the softer sciences need to be so self-congratulatory?

It does none of us any good.

Can you imagine a great big banner being pulled behind an aircraft: “And the guy who polished the wing was called Gus…”?

/df

OXFORD STREET — At my local Starbucks everyone this morning was ending their sentences with “…for you.”  I think if I worked there I’d start doing it too.  It’s a cross over from a number of European languages that add the possessive to sentences for emphasis.

We don’t really do it English so much.

Except we do [...]]]>

OXFORD STREET — At my local Starbucks everyone this morning was ending their sentences with “…for you.”  I think if I worked there I’d start doing it too.  It’s a cross over from a number of European languages that add the possessive to sentences for emphasis.

We don’t really do it English so much.

Except we do now.

And why not?

We were cheering for Mexico in my house last night.  My kids are 1/4 Mexican.  And word from the other side of the ocean is that my mother-in-law was shouting at the TV and my macho brother-in-law was crying.

But we’ve actually spent far more time in France.  Cheering for the winners is maybe the fun bit.

There’s a story in the paper today about how the UK is suffering the creeping influence of Latin America.  Apparently there’s an Brazilian ice cream shop in Newcastle.

My British business partner has just gone on holiday in his native Italy.  With his Indian wife.

What have we become!

Pluralistic.  Open-minded.  And a damn sight more interesting.  Is the answer.

In my native Canada we’re still pretending that arguments about French and English matter.  In the UK we’re pretending that Class is an issue.  It’s not.  Ask the England football team.

Let’s more on. 

Is that okay, for you?

/df

HOME — I used to have a Klingon cookbook.  No, it was Lt. Uhura’s Cookbook.  But there was Klingon it it.  That was in university.  More than 20 years ago.

I never cooked anything from it.

Are you kidding?

But I moved it from dorm to dorm and house to house.  I thought its simple existence was funny [...]]]>

HOME — I used to have a Klingon cookbook.  No, it was Lt. Uhura’s Cookbook.  But there was Klingon it it.  That was in university.  More than 20 years ago.

I never cooked anything from it.

Are you kidding?

But I moved it from dorm to dorm and house to house.  I thought its simple existence was funny enough.  (Yes, not everyone shared my sense of humour then either.)

However, my daughter has just brought the world of Fan Fiction to my attention.  It seems that Star Trek was even a pivotal modern outburst of it.  Followed by Star Wars… And today people like Stephenie Meyer and JK Rowling, for the Twilight and Harry Potter series, even actively encourage it, saying they read it.

It’s a really interesting phenomenon.  And not one without it’s legal and copyright implications.

So my question today is: Why don’t brands do it more?

People write Star Trek cookbooks because they are obsessed with the show.  And one assumes they buy other people’s Star Trek cookbooks.  But what about great brands and companies? 

Imagine some of the great BP fiction that could come out of the Deepwater Horizon situations?!

Okay, maybe that’s not the best example.

But what about other, more day-to-day examples?

I think it’s a heck of an idea.

I think I’ll talk to some clients about it this week.

/df

• Zoe Renault sues Renault over their new green car, the Zoe

• The quirkiest names on the high street: A Salt and Battery (a chippy), Curl Up and Dye (hair house) are amongst our favourites.  And we should know.

• Jose Mourinho – we don’t know why, he just does

• Learning how to create artificial life

• [...]]]>

• Zoe Renault sues Renault over their new green car, the Zoe

• The quirkiest names on the high street: A Salt and Battery (a chippy), Curl Up and Dye (hair house) are amongst our favourites.  And we should know.

• Jose Mourinho – we don’t know why, he just does

• Learning how to create artificial life

• The weather

• The Champs Elysees will be covered in grass and cows

HOME — I’ve had a bit of an epiphany.  Again.  I realised that there may be another defining national characteristic that I hadn’t really understood.

I used to think that the national flag of the United Kingdom ought to be this: Instead of this: But maybe the one at the top of this post is even better?

In the [...]]]>

HOME — I’ve had a bit of an epiphany.  Again.  I realised that there may be another defining national characteristic that I hadn’t really understood.

I used to think that the national flag of the United Kingdom ought to be this:

Instead of this:

But maybe the one at the top of this post is even better?

In the paper today a columnist refers to it as “the inviability of the individual”, which I think is a posh way of saying “I’m always right.”

And you see it a lot on the streets.  Motorists heaping abuse on each other over the most minuscule of sins.  There will be shouting, and gesticulating, and a swift move from any discussion of the issue to name calling and odd hand gestures.

Whatever the offence, one thing is always 100% clear: I was right, and you… well you’re just a &€#@?*!!, aren’t you?

So far, not so different.  You can see arguments on streets across Europe, Africa and other worlds.  What separates Britain is the fact that the one who is most aggrieved will be absolutely certain to be at a safe distance, with a clear getaway planned.

Nothing wrong with that.

It worked for Sir Francis Drake.  And we know what happened to that Spanish armoire thing, don’t we.

Who are you looking at anyway!  Huh?

/df

SPRINGFIELD — I don’t like being told what to do. My wife says that anyway.

But when I am on 2 wheels and fighting my way through London streets, I have that Canadian instinct for accommodation.  I won’t put myself or anyone else into any peril.  So I am constantly surprised when I get told off.  [...]]]>

SPRINGFIELD — I don’t like being told what to do. My wife says that anyway.

But when I am on 2 wheels and fighting my way through London streets, I have that Canadian instinct for accommodation.  I won’t put myself or anyone else into any peril.  So I am constantly surprised when I get told off.  And REALLY amazed that it is ALWAYS by another cyclist.

We are a disparate tribe of censorious, shy, egomaniacs.  No two cyclists will be seen talking to each other at a light.  One guy started talking to me once, when he saw me walking my bike across the pedestrian crossing in Hyde Park:

“I’ve never seen anyone do that,” he laughed.

Here’s the start on my suggested code:

1. I am not a car. I don’t need to cycle down the middle of the street.

2. I will drive predictably.  I am a respectable mode of transport. Give me space.  If you hit me I will die. So pay attention.

3. I will wear the right kit. Reflectors, lights, helmet.

4. I will avoid busy roads — if possible. (I still smart over the guy who rides down the A40. It’s a highway where two cars can barely fit and go at 70 mph.)

5. I will occasionally talk to other cyclists.

What do you think?

/df

A&H HQ — This is too much fun.  Workers at Carlsberg have gone on strike because they have lost their right to drink free beer ALL DAY. 

To be clear, they will still get free beer at lunch.

There is a business policy about not being drunk at work, they explain, etc.

I used to work in a [...]]]>

A&H HQ — This is too much fun.  Workers at Carlsberg have gone on strike because they have lost their right to drink free beer ALL DAY. 

To be clear, they will still get free beer at lunch.

There is a business policy about not being drunk at work, they explain, etc.

I used to work in a brewery.  (Stop me if you’ve heard this before.)  I worked on the assembly line, sorting old beer bottles for recycling.  It long shift and fairly tedious work.  Starting at 6 am.  A few months before I joined they had taken away the ‘all you can drink’ policy.  Apparently the guys used to come in early for my shift and put a few back.

Imagine polishing off a few ales before 6 am? 

That doesn’t seem right. 

I don’t want to be too hard on the guys at Carlsberg.  It could well be a tobacconist, or a pharma firm.  It’s just that the ‘beer’ bit makes it more funny.

However, the question of the day is: “What is it that people have and take for granted?”

My Bradford-born granny always said “waste-not, want-not.”  And she spent the last 25 years of her life living in a mobile home park for old people in Florida.  She couldn’t have been happier.

This past weekend at a beautiful country house in France I sat with a table of French, British and American people, and someone asked: “If you were to become very rich, what would you do?”

I was thinking, we’re in a country house in France on an Easter break with a house full of spoiled, screaming kids… what do we have to complain about? 

And then the first guy said “I’d do nothing differently…”  There was a pause.

And everyone else said “Yeah.  Yeah, me too.”

The the first guy again: “Well, maybe a car and driver…”

“Yeah, yeah, me too…”

What do we want? How much do we expect from our work, from our lives?  And how realistic is that?

I know Friday afternoon is late for existential questions.  But maybe you can answer while waiting for the beer trolley to come around.

/df